Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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