Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
