its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
