Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
