I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
