I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this boner is exhausting
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
