Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
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It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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