what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
