i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He passed out mid-signature
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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