i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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