I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
