Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
