I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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