I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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