im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's the barista slut.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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