you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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