this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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