Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
