im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
