the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need a beard to bite.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
