coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
