for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
