I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
