Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
