Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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