i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
