Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
