hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
