so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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