just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
