i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
