I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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