if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She bit a glass in half.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
