I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
