i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We have started to decorate penises.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
