there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
