My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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