these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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