Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
