And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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