so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
