Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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