The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
