the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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