i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
