There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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