he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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