you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He shit in the fireplace
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
