if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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