We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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