filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.