Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon