i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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