News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.