I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting