No stitches, just platelets and will power
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
