That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there was a trapeze. enough said
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
