I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
