Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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