my sisters under your porch take her home
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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