After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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