I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
