So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
