yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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