i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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