Duck Duck Cougar?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
