Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
