exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
