my sisters under your porch take her home
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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