Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
