it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
