She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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