The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
