physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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