The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
