fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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