can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
