Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
