I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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